P S SUNDAR'S ARTICLE ON HIS SON -- 13

(OCT 5, 2020) 

THE LAST TIME WE HAD SEEN OUR SON VIGNESH LIVE WAS THIS DAY 17 YEARS AGO..

 

AND, WE LIVE WITHOUT A SECOND CHILD BECAUSE..

 

BY P S SUNDAR

 

“Why did you not go for a second child when you know the first one is disabled?”

 

This is a common question my wife and I face from well wishers

 

But then, it is not a new question to us.   Ever since our only son Vignesh was diagnosed to be suffering from that rare disorder called muscular dystrophy (for which there is no cure till now) when he was just six years young, we had to encounter this question. 

 

And, that time, even some Doctors asked us the same, little realising the irreparable damage they were causing in the young mind of Vignesh.

 

He was so intelligent that even when he was 10 years young, he could understand messages conveyed in Tamil, English and Malayalam and as he grew older, in Kannada and Telugu besides a few foreign languages as well.    

 

So, on those intolerable occasions when a Doctor advised us to go for a second child with total indifference to the presence of Vignesh, we could see the child’s pleasant face shrinking like a punctured balloon.  Face was, after all, the index of the mind and therefore, the mind had virtually smashed hearing the Doctor’s advice.

 

The reason?  The message Vignesh’s mind was receiving was that he was becoming a waste and so, the Doctor was suggesting to us to go for a second child – a replacement!

 

Can there be anything more cruel than this?   My wife Shyamala would just hug him to her body and say, “Fine, let’s go from here!”.

 

But, I started taking another approach and tell the Doctor, “Thanks, Doc, but we certainly know the methodology to go for a second child and we didn’t come here to get that suggestion from you.   All we wanted to know is ‘Can you cure Vignesh?’   And, please understand that Vignesh is our son, not a rotten brinjal to be thrown away and go for another brinjal to replace it.   He is our darling son gifted to us by the Almighty and we will live together – only he with us!”.

 

“Besides, medically, you say, ‘muscular dystrophy’ is a genetic disorder although we could not trace this in the fore-parents of Shyamala and myself.  If genetic, with she and I being the same parents, how can you guarantee that the child we henceforth beget will not have this disorder and if so, how many disabled children we have to flood the world with before we could give birth to a normal child?”

 

No Doctor had a convincing reply but clearly, this created confidence and boosted the spirit of Vignesh to fight the terminal illness he was cursed to suffer.

 

We could see a blossoming countenance in him, a desire to live despite disability and what a divine 16 year-period he lived with us was!   Helpful, endearing, loving all, pious, scientific, rational, mathematical exponent, and an achiever – all before he breathed his last on Oct 21, 2003 – yes, today is the 17^th year we saw him live last.

 

He virtually taught us the values of life which we follow to the best extent possible.

 

Shyamala and I had conscientiously decided not to go for a second child so that we could give Vignesh total undivided attention which he needed having been confined to wheelchair.

 

Now, the wheelchair is with us but not Vignesh and, Shyamala is my second child and I am her second child! 

(Response can also be sent to: pssundar.coonoor@gmail.com)

         

 

 

 

PS SUNDAR'S ARTICLE ON HIS SON -- 12:

(today is 16^th demise anniversary of our son, Vignesh)

VIGNESH TAUGHT US LESSONS WHICH NO UNIVERSITY CAN TEACH

By P S SUNDAR.

 (

“Can I take a photo of this letter and include in my power point presentation for using in lectures to educators?”, the Headmaster and Correspondent of St Antony’s Higher Secondary School, Coonoor, Bro Dr Thomas Selvam asked me a month ago after reading the letter written to us by R Swaminathan, (Dhuruvan) Vice Principal of St Mary’s (Matriculation) Higher Secondary School, Perambur, Chennai.

This was a letter he had written to my wife and me on January 8, 2004. 

The importance of that letter which we preserve as treasure till date is that he has explained that he has dedicated his then latest Tamil book, “Dhuruvan Kaattum Siruvar Paathai” to our son Vignesh whom he has described as ‘an astonishing human being’. 

“I have not taught Vignesh at all.   He has not learnt Tamil or Mathematics (which I teach) from me.   But, my mind is filled with the memory of his listening with smiling face to me whenever I happened to give sound advice to children.   I am happy to dedicate my entire book to him.  So, this book has given me more satisfaction than the previous three books I had written”, he has recorded in that letter.

And, on page 3 of his book, he has dedicated his book to Vignesh with Vignesh’s photo and a moving Tamil poem.    In this poem, he has paid rich encomium to Vignesh as a child who excelled in love, intelligence and talent but at a time when he was about to take the school to a new crescendo, he closed his eyes forever – you will remain in our heart and memory forever..

Besides, on page 79, he has detailed how he was impressed with Vignesh who came to school on wheelchair run by his mother.

This has taught us lessons which no university can teach.   This Vice Principal has written in his book that he did not know Vignesh directly, had not taught him any main subjects but had watched him at close quarters and at distance every now and then and was captivated by Vignesh’s mastery of subjects, language which resulted in his articles being published in leading national newspapers even as a student and his enrichment of computer knowledge at a time when computer study was in nascent stage in schools..  but the fact that he passed away while in Plus Two was a big loss not only to his parents but the school itself ..  “that’s why I am moved to dedicate my book to him”, he has said.

As Bro Dr Thomas Selvam who excels in training teachers and educators as a whole told my wife and me, such a dedication of a book sums up the impression Vignesh left with the teaching community of his days.

Quite true... Thousands (known and unknown) attended the funeral of Vignesh in Chennai on Oct 21 and 22 in 2003 which included teachers who had taught him in elementary stage, retired and living in faraway places.  His schoolmates did not go to their houses at all on the night of Oct 21 and many of them recalled with tears how Vignesh helped them in their studies..

His Economics teacher visited us every evening for a week and with tears, recalled how she missed Vignesh in the class.

We vacated our establishment in Chennai 10 days after Vignesh’s demise and moved over to our house in Coonoor and Dhuruvan’s dedication of book happened thereafter.

All those who studied in his class would be 32 years old now and we hope all of them are doing well somewhere..

We are obliged to all the teachers, known and unknown, who recorded that Vignesh’s demise was a loss to the school..

We are grateful to the Almighty for blessing us with a son, who, in the short period of 16 years and 16 days he lived with us, taught us many valuable lessons of love, share, care and help needed to make life meaningful.

My wife and I are living together but alone since we lost our only son Vignesh this day (Oct 21, 2003) to an incurable muscular dystrophy disorder .. but, yes, as Dhuruvan very correctly recorded, we live in his memory forever..     

(response can also be sent to: pssundar.coonoor@gmail.com)     

           

 

P S SUNDAR'S ARTICLE ON HIS SON -- 11::

Dec 3, 2018..

Today is the International Day of Persons with Disabilities.

On this day, I recall my article I wrote on the 15th demise anniversary of my son a little more than a month ago .. 

He led a life of disability during his short life of 16 years ..
=======================================

15^TH DEMISE ANNIVERSARY OF OUR SON, VIGNESH:

MY WIFE AND I LIVE ‘TOGETHER’ STILL ‘ALONE’

By P S SUNDAR

This day, 15 years ago, (Oct 22, 2003) was the last day I saw my son Vignesh – the very last look of him I had was just before the funeral flame engulfed him in the crematorium in Perambur, Chennai, as he had left us forever to an eternal world the day before, Oct 21, 2003, after living with us for a short period of 16 years and 16 days.

A fortnight prior to this, I had, on my way back from Japan, seen him when I stayed for a couple of days with him and my wife Shyamala who was taking care of him in Chennai.   Before returning to Coonoor to pursue my work, I had promised to spend a month with him while going for Deepavali holidays.  Accordingly, I had reserved ticket to go to Chennai on Oct 23 as Deepavali was on Oct 25.

But, on Oct 21, my wife phoned to convey the saddest news of his demise and I changed my programme and rushed by car to Chennai that day – a day when rain was pouring cats and dogs all through my way to Chennai.  So, I could not keep up my promise to spend more time with him.  

I reached Chennai in the morning of Oct 22 and in fact, I spent only a couple of hours with him but he did not give me company, he did not respond to my expression of affection as he lay motionless inside the freezer coffin box.

Shyamala had kept his school bag ready the previous day itself but instead of taking him to the school which he loved the most, I took him to the burial ground, unknown to him and me with over 1,000 persons attending his funeral.

When I returned from the burial ground and saw his wheelchair, school bag, books, pen, dress, bed, computer, smilie ball, that’s when I experienced the oft-said reality, ‘You can take nothing with you when you leave planet Earth’ !

But, you can leave plenty on the Earth when you leave the world – lasting changes in the lifestyle of many, especially the deprived and the needy. 

And, most importantly, a lesson we learnt was that you should never fail to give your best at the right times to the people requiring them because you will regret forever if you fail to do that.

In our case, Vignesh was suffering from a rare disorder called ‘muscular dystrophy’ for which till today, there is no cure in any part of the world.  He was crippled to wheelchair for eight years and so, Shyamala did everything for him even as he was in Plus Two.  So much so, when his Headmistress told me, “Sir, at least for the pains your wife took, we wished that Vignesh became all right”, I replied, “If there is one person whom I can call ‘Mother Theresa’ inside the family, it is she, it is she and none but she”. 

At least from that point of view, we don’t have regrets because we have the satisfaction of having done whatever was possible to help Vignesh live a relatively better life despite all his physical limitations.

Now, Shyamala and I live ‘together’ but still ‘alone’ as Vignesh is living with us in only memory!

(Response can also be sent to: pssundar.coonoor@gmail.com) 

LANDMARK -- 2:

GOVERNMENT HONOURS NILGIRIS CULTURAL ASSOCIATION.

Tamil Nadu Government has honoured P S Sundar for his excellent service to the cause of culture as President of The Nilgiris Cultural Association.

Nilgiris Collector Innocent Divya honoured him with a Ponnadai and citation at Ooty..

"I am honoured to honour you Sir", she said.

B Hemanathan, Asst Director, TN Govt Art and Culture dept., said that the special honour was in recognition of Mr Sundar's service to protect rural art forms.

(response can also be sent to: pssundar.coonoor@gmail.com)

P S SUNDAR'S ARTICLE ON HIS SON -- 10:

WE MISS BUT RECALL OUR SON ....

By P S SUNDAR

Today marks the 14th demise anniversary of our son Vignesh.

On every anniversary, I had written highlights from the 16 short years he had spent with us.

This time, I thought of recalling his sojourn with us with his motivating article published in Chennai edition of The New Indian Express on July 10, 2002.. ( the scan of the article appears here)..

Express says in this article that Vignesh hoped to become a Chartered Accountant, Cost Accountant and Company Secretary like me, but he passed away when he was studying in Plus Two in Chennai.

So, his dreams remained unfulfilled but he lives in our dreams every single day...

(response can also be sent to: pssundar.coonoor@gmail.com) 

LIFE ENRICHMENT -- 17:

UPGRADED OLD AGE HOME PROVIDES COMFORT TO DESERTED ELDERS 

BY P S SUNDAR.

A treatise on M N Trust's 'Anbalayam' Old Age Home in Denalai village, 10 kilometres from Coonoor, appears in this blog as LIfe Enrichment - 4 ::Caring for elders, a passion and mission", reachable by clicking :: http://pssundarthinktank.blogspot.in/2013_12_01_archive.html.

The last highlight on the way the inmates deciding to donate their eyes appears as Life Enrichment -- 15 reachable by clicking :: 

https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8418786817872308721#editor/target=post;postID=6327245195602307245;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=5;src=postname ..

Now, the Old Age Home has been re-dedicated to the deserted elders with lots of improvements in infrastructure ...

My article on this appears in The New Indian Express as under:: 

A glimpse of the infrastructure and activities at the upgraded Old Age Home now :: 

(response can also be sent to: pssundar.coonoor@gmail.com)

LANDMARK -- 1 ::

'LEELA 80' -- A CELEBRATION STRESSING VALUES 

BY P S SUNDAR

Leela Raju, daughter of N Lingan, reached 80 years age on March 6, 2016.

we are seeking her blessings

i had documented the following three major articles in this blog on Lingan, the first Badaga lawyer and fist Indian Chainsaw of Ooty municipal council::


1. Lingan's contributions recalled with gratitude::

http://pssundarthinktank.blogspot.in/2013/11/nostalgia-3-lingans-contributions.html

2.  Re-dedication to follow Lingan's great ideals::

http://pssundarthinktank.blogspot.in/2013/11/nostalgia-4-re-dedication-to-follow.html

3. Lingan's 50th death anniversary ::

https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8418786817872308721#editor/target=post;postID=7399189425944690158;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=16;src=postname.

Today, my article on 'LEELA 80'  has appeared in The New Indian Express as follows.

photographs have been added to make the blog more visually representative...

 LINGAN – LEELA’S ‘FAMILY TREE’ LAUNCHED

BY P S SUNDAR

The relatives of the world’s first Lawyer from Badaga, the predominant community of Nilgiris and the first post-Independent Indian Chairman of Ooty municipality N Lingan, launched his ‘family tree’ as part of 80^th birthday celebrations of his daughter Leela Raju here on Sunday.

“This is our befitting contribution to my father ahead of International Women’s Day on Tuesday as he had positive thoughts on educating women because of which, I became the second Badaga woman to go to University”, Leela told Express.

At ‘Leela 80’ function, she spoke of the high ideals imbedded in her by her father and urged younger generation to support women education and empowerment.  She exhorted women not to sacrifice their role to groom family members into responsible citizens.

“The family members have pledged to uphold Lingan’s and Leela’s great ideals for society’s overall enrichment”, Leela’s son and General Manager of Gateway Hotel Coonoor R Muralidharan said.

Executives of Gateway Hotel Coonoor greeting Leela Raju

(response can also be sent to : pssundar.coonoor@gmail.com)